Saturday, November 22, 2008

Fabulous! by Pastel Guy

It's coming. I can sense it. I see the signs.... everywhere.

As Resolution Day approaches, there are lists, tips, blogs, and books about how you should be. Which raises the question, "Am I not worthy?"

At the library this afternoon, I found a book, "Freakin' Fabulous" by Clinton Kelly. I'd never heard of the guy before, but I guess that's what happens when one lives under a rock and doesn't watch TV.

Anyway. Apparently, he's the guru on how to be fabulous. So, sucka that I am, I checked it out, and during our family reading time this afternoon, I was able to thumb through it. Really, it's just a list of manners, and grammar, and artistic common sense.

Y'know, stuff parents teach their kids...

...But I guess they don't.

As I was reading through the chapter on how to speak with fabulosity, I noted that it was my seventh grade grammar curriculum reduced to 10 pages. Who vs. whom, further vs. farther, the subjunctive tense, etc. I learned all that at home ('course having two english teachers - ahem, teachers of English - as parents didn't hurt).

Reading through his list (book) of pet peeves started me thinking about my list. What would I write about if I were (see?! I just used the subjunctive correctly!) to be paid millions of bucks to summarize the habits of people that annoy me the most.

Here's the short list using Clinton Kelly's categories:

1. DRESS: Men who wear black socks with their black shoes and khaki pants, and women who wear jewelry that's too small.
2. SPEAK: People who finish their sentences with 'at'.
3. BEHAVE: Intolerance of others even when they consider themselves 'Christians'.
4. EAT: People who don't hold their silverware properly.
5. ENTERTAIN: arriving early.
6. DECORATE: pictures that are too small hanging too high on the wall.

I haven't read all of his book, so I don't know if I'm duplicating any of his or not. I am far from being fabulous myself; this list is just the six sure-fire ways to botch any chance you might have had at being fabulous in my world.

As I look out over my students in the few minutes between classes, I listen to them ask their neighbor where their pencil is at, and call the kid across the room a fag. And I sigh.

Should I scrap my lesson on DNA replication in favor of Today's Tip on Civility? Obviously they're not getting it at home. So is it now my job?

Perhaps my New Year's Resolution will end up something like this: I will strive to spread fabulousness - one student at a time.

Until tomorrow,
PastelGuy
www.matthewweld.com - pastel paintings
www.studio206.etsy.com - handmade jewelry for sale

4 comments:

egan said...

Resolution Day is rapidly approaching. I feel pretty lucky to pass the seven grade grammar test. For me, learning a second language bolstered my knowledge of English. I wish others could see the value in learning a second language for this very reason.

I like your list of pet peeves. I'm fairly certain I don't own any khaki pants, nope. I think I avoided any fashion nightmares this time.

Good luck spreading civility.

magicmyst said...

Hi Matt, I never know what to expect on your blog. From the commentary on life to your many types of art. You really are doing a good job at keeping the world of blogging entertained. I will have to proof read better before I publish comments on your website incase you decide to correct all my grammar errors and you decide that I am unworthy of publishing comments on your web site. Kay

Brandy said...

I KNOW I've ended sentences with 'at' before. Actually, grammar is one area I really need to work on. So is spelling. And geography. And making a good spaghetti sauce.

I like that you shared these though- definitely stuff to think about. And Egan lies, I suspect his closet is filled with khaki pants and loud, obnoxious Hawaiian shirts.

Jo Castillo said...

You are a real gentleman. This post proves it. I love your pastels, jewelry and now this blog. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Keep working with those kids ... they need help. Add to the peeves, cell phones in restaurants and men that don't remove their hats indoors. Does that show my age? Later.....